Hate & Self Loathing

Hate & Self Loathing.
Something I feel a lot.
I hate it though.
Feeling this way sucks.
I prefer to be happy.
I'm able to act that way sometimes.
And if I'm lucky... actually feel it.
But like I said, it's a rarity.
My friends all think I'm happy.
They don't know the truth.
I rarely let anyone in.
Because when I do, they end up breaking me.
It's so hard to rebuild myself.
And each time I end up losing a part of me.
It's at the point where I don't even know who I am anymore.
Each day feels like the last.
This repetitive feeling sucks.
I'm stuck.
And I don't know how to get out.
Can you save me?
Of course not.
Even if you did take the time to try, you would eventually fail.
That's all life is, is fail after fail after fail.
It totally sucks.
See what I mean with the repetitive?
I've only wrote the word "sucks" four times now.
Oh I need a life.